The Spirit of Pino

Pino was a white pitbull that I took care of for less than two years. He touched my heart in way more ways than I can imagine. His loss a few weeks back has been one of the deepest processes I have ever faced. I had dogs my whole life but they were family dogs, their losses were significant but this one is a very transformational moment in my life. I am hoping that writing can be part of my healing process. It has been hard to wake up and not see him, it has been plain hard. I’ve tried a bit of everything but I think grief and loss is a very personal and variable thing for each individual and only time will tell.

I got Pino in the weirdest scenarios: I had Max, his son, as a puppy for a year and a half, from a friend who lives in Puerto Viejo, the place I love the most in this planet. Max was amazing but my ex kept him. October 2023 was very confusing for me and as the relationship ended and my puppy was no longer mine, I got his dad, Pino. My friend also broke up and was changing houses and decided I was gonna take him. I picked him up and he did the strangest thing: he grabbed my hand with his jaw, not in aggression, not tight, but holding on to me. He looked at my friend and then looked at me. He was my new puppy.

Pitbulls (in Costa Rica, most Amstaffs and Pitbulls are mixed with each other and it’s hard to tell which one is ‘pure’ or which one is more one than the other) are the most adorable and codependent dogs I’ve ever met. Pino would follow me around everywhere. I was finishing the school year and December I was going back to Puerto Viejo for a month of surf, friends and working giving massages. Pino was going back to his home town and coincidentally or not, I booked a house from another friend where Pino had grown up with his human brother Khaled. It was simple, he knew where he was, I did not have to tie him up or lock him inside the room while I went to work. He stayed in the terrace of the house and watched the birds, maybe chased squirrels, slept and relaxed. Morning he would come surf with me and evenings too.

eIt felt like a very free, peaceful and fluid season. Of course the Caribbean gives storms, problems, unexpected situations, but me and him, we were vibing. Many people in that town knew him and he knew the beaches. At some point he did chase a cat and I had to take it out of his jaws. At some point, friends suggested a mouth cover. Pino was most likely a reactive dog. He barked sometimes when I went surfing. Sometimes it was the whole session. We never knew if he was excited about the waves, worried about me drowning, or just plain dramatic.

By April 2024, my last year of Physical Therapy school, I got a diagnose of ‘heartworm’ on Pino. It really hit me hard. So apparently a mosquito in the tropics and worldwide bites dogs and a larvae goes into the blood stream, and worms grow in the heart and lungs of your pet. I should have given him preventive medicine, the previous owner should have let me know. I consulted several vets but it was very frustrating. I got two answers: keep giving him a preventive and give him a slow life, no running, no intense physical activity, or an expensive medicine to kill the worm, where each jar was $200 and I needed 5 for him, his 33 kg. I called all the vets in Costa Rica until I found the oldest cardiology center in the country who had the jars at $140 and really wanted to help me. I started saving money.

I was aware he could not run around or do exercise but I still took him to the park two block from my house and to the beach in the mornings. I think he knew he had something in his heart but he would still sometimes chase squirrels, iguanas, cats or other dogs. He disliked Golden Retrievers. I once had to separate his jaw from one.

Pino was hyperactive like me and then once he got over checking the crabs, the waves and the other dogs on the beach, he would dig a hole on the sand and press his chest and hip into it and peace out. He was lounging and entering a trance looking at the Ocean like he was one with the Universe. He was the Guardian of the Seas. He loved both the Caribbean and the Pacific.

Writing this piece has been hard, as time goes by, each image I look and I feel tears in my eyes knowing that all there is is images. What a strange thing, grief, what a strange thing, life.

My last semester of university I was stressed Pino would be alone in my house the eight hours so I was thinking of getting him a brother. Little did I know, he would have four siblings! I got Valentino from a friend in Guanacaste and he was one of the most insane street dogs we met. That same week, I met Adriana my girlfriend and her three dogs, Taiga, Peyi and Julia. We had five pups and the relationship kicked off with an insane amount of hairs, tail wagging, and hugs everywhere. By New Year’s, we were back in Puerto, the seven of us. We managed to bring them to the beach with a bit of chaos and pulling leashes and all, it was fun.

Valentino had to be gifted back, because he ate my meditation couch, four to five pairs of shoes, doors, trash, took shits and peed all over the beds, and just kept doing it worse and worse. He came with a fractured hip and we took him to physical therapy, we were going to invest in coaching and training, but that dog was street and farm and just belonged out there, not in an apartment or home. I felt bad but not really. We gave him to Land of Strays and he lives in a big land with other thousands of dogs. Pino never liked him anyways. He was restless and annoying and very demanding.

Pino got very used to Adri, her three pups and her house. I changed jobs and town and he was very happy to be back at the beach. I really enjoyed time with him at the beach. He chased the crabs, he chased cats, I got mad at him. He barked restlessly at most people and other dogs. He panted and panted. I knew heat was not the best, but I cannot imagine having him in a room with AC, depriving him of what he loved the most: the beach.

His death a month ago changed my life. I feel very stupid that I chose to give him that medicine. I feel very stupid that I was really focused on myself and my abundance and did not spend more time with him during those days, that month. I feel grateful Adri had time with him. He came to love her, lick her and treat her like her third owner. Arriving to her house and finding out was a very traumatic experience, a process that is going to take time. Her support has been essential and as I find a bit more peace, I am opening myself up to living a more present, more free, more happy life. They say dogs are gone once they fill their mission. I think Pino came to guide me to the Ocean, I think Pino came to live beach life to the max, to remind me the value of company and presence. He really found a home in me and with Adri and her three and I have deep appreciation that I met him.

We took his ashes to Puerto and his first owner and brother Khaled came. My aunt and her Swiss friend guided the ceremony at Playa Grande’s river and we lit candles, had pictures of him and burnt incense. I got a tattoo of him in my left arm and he will forever be in my heart. It’s been shitty, finding motivation, finding sense to life. I try to light a candle in his little altar every morning and connect with him. It’s not always easy. Sometimes I feel pain, sometimes I feel nothing, sometimes I feel happy. These past few days I have been wearing a hat I placed on him and I felt he looked like a little fire fighter, so I called him ‘Bomberito’.

We will take the remaining of his ashes to Burning Man’s Temple. We release his soul into the Infinite. Pino, te amo, gracias por estar en mi vida y enseñarme a amar el Mar.